


bluer through his pretty eyes

by miss-minnelli (sherlollyshipperalltheway)



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, The Ballad of Love And Hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6184018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlollyshipperalltheway/pseuds/miss-minnelli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post LLL- Peter and Balth are living together in a flat in their second year of university navigating the ups and downs of their relationship. </p><p>“Um, hi Peter. My holiday is just about over. I’ll be back late tonight, like eleven or twelve. The weather over here was alright. Kinda cold, but you know how it is. I lo—I’ll see you soon. I missed you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	bluer through his pretty eyes

**Author's Note:**

> My first Pedrazar fic! 
> 
> I don't own the characters, I just greatly admire LLL and NMTD :)
> 
> tw: some yelling, excessive drinking.
> 
> This fic is based on "The Ballad of Love And Hate" by the Avett Brothers, a very good song from which I have borrowed a few lyrics for the title and within the story.
> 
> Important background: Peter and Balth have just woken up. Balth is going on a winter holiday to Australia with his parents and Rosa and he has to leave for the airport soon. Peter came home late last night. When they wake up, he asks Balth why he's in a shitty mood that morning and the argument escalates into this story.

 

“Peter,” says Balth gently, “I’m not asking you to stop going out with your friends, I’m just asking for you to be considerate of my sleep schedule. I like to go to bed earlier than two a.m., so if you could try and be a little quieter when you’re getting into bed so as not to wake me up, that would be great.”

“Well, you know what, Balthazar? Maybe, I’d appreciate it if you would come out with me more often That way, we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” says Peter, his voice a little louder than is called for indoors.

Balth is trying to stay calm, but despite himself, he can feel his hands balling into fists at his sides. “That’s not fair. You’ve known me for, what? Seven years? You should know by now that I kind of hate places with crowds and extremely loud, usually shitty music.”

Peter stands up and paces. “Oh, so now you're insulting my habits _and_ my interests?”

“Come on, Peter. I have no problem with your _interests_ , I just wish you could be a little more considerate of our shared space when you come home at night,” Balth says, almost through his teeth.

“What, do you want me to sleep on the couch or some shit, Balth? Seriously?” He is yelling now. “Cause that’s rich. You’re the one who’s always saying that we need to spend more time together as a couple!”

Balth wants to say, _But don’t you want to spend more time together?_ Instead, he says sadly, “I don’t want you to sleep on the couch. And I want to spend more time with you during the day, as well as when we are sleeping.”

Balth’s quiet tone makes Peter more angry and he stops pacing. “Well it’s not my fucking fault you’re so busy all the time.”

“I have a job, Pete. And school. And I play gigs because that’s one of the things I love to do.”

Peter is still yelling. “Sounds to me like you love all of that more than you love me.”

Balth turns away because he can feel tears welling up in his eyes and a lump creeping up the back of his throat. He coughs to try and send it back down. When he finally speaks, his voice wavers. “Peter, I have a plane to catch. I have to go.” He stands up and starts to change out of his pajamas. Peter stomps out of their bedroom and slams the door on his way out. 

…

The next two weeks are long for both of them. Peter passes winter break by drinking away his sorrows. Kit and Freddie try and get him out of the flat a few times for dinner at their place, but they never succeed. He only goes out at night, and drinks with strangers who don’t know how terrible of a person he really is. 

Balthazar tries to act like his usual, smiley self on holiday with his family, but Rosa can see right through him. She narrows her eyes and says, “If Mullet-Boy is hurting you, I will personally hunt him down and give him a piece of my mind.”

He tries to smile in response. “Thanks, Rosie. It’s alright. We’ll work it out.” He says it mostly to reassure himself. 

…

The boys don’t speak for the whole two weeks of the winter holidays, the longest they’ve gone without talking since the summer before their first year at uni. The day Balth is set to leave Australia, he calls Peter’s phone and gets his voicemail. “Um, hi Peter. My holiday is just about over. I’ll be back late tonight, like eleven or twelve. The weather over here was alright. Kinda cold, but you know how it is. I lo—I’ll see you soon. I missed you.” He hangs up the phone abruptly and avoids Rosa’s piercing stare. He doesn’t acknowledge the incredible awkwardness of the message, or think about the fact that Peter was too busy to answer his phone at noon on a Saturday. 

… 

Peter is sitting at their dining table when his phone rings. He sees that it’s Balth calling and goes to pick it up out of habit, but just before answering, he remembers that he is angry, so he lets it ring and heads to the kitchen. Peter means to make himself tea, but suddenly the can of warm beer atop the fridge looks much more appealing, so he cracks it open and heads back to the table. When he gets back to the dining room, he picks up his phone and dismisses the notification that says he has missed a call. Tapping on the voicemail app, Peter settles back into his chair and presses play on his most recent voicemail. _“…I lo—I’ll see you soon. I missed you.”_

“Not like I give a fuck if you’re here or not, Balthazar. I’ll see you, or I won’t. Whatever,” he says to the phone, and deletes the message. 

…

Rosa insists on seeing Balth off at the airport before driving herself back to Brisbane, where she is working at the moment. Before he can dash off through the security checkpoints, she grabs his hand. “I don’t need you to tell me exactly what’s going on with you and your boyfriend, but I know you, and I know that you don’t give up easily. One fight does not have to be the end, Balthy. Even if you have a bunch of issues you need to sort out, I believe that it’s worth it, you know? I see how happy Peter usually makes you and how sad you’ve been these past weeks. Please don’t let something silly end your relationship, okay Balth?”

Balth wants to retort that the issues he and Peter are fighting about aren’t silly, but then he realizes that Rosa’s right. He smiles properly for the first time in weeks. Rosa always know what to say and what he needs to hear. “I love you, Rosa. You’re seriously the best.” Rosa pretends to faint at his compliment, but after a moment of dramatics, she hugs her little brother.

“Call me when it’s all sorted,” she says, and it’s not a request. He nods, a promise.

He boards the plane in a great mood and to the annoyance of the woman seated next to him, he even begins to hum a bit. Rosa’s words have had the desired effect and he feels confident that he and Peter can work through this. 

… 

After finishing his first beer, Peter discovers that there are no more, so he takes his car out for a drive into town. He knows a bar downtown where he knows no one will bother him or ask him why he’s already drinking at one p.m. on a Saturday. 

He’s right. The bar is eerily quiet, but he feels a strange, silent connection to the few other customers sitting alone, nursing their drinks that are much too strong for the early afternoon. 

…

Balth’s plane touches down in Wellington at ten-thirty that evening. He feels a renewed desire to make his relationship with Peter more functional and all he wants to do is hug his boyfriend right now. He stops to pick up a movie he knows Peter will like at the movie store near the airport. After shoving the DVD in his suitcase, he calls an Uber. 

…

After his one p.m. scotch, Peter mills around downtown trying to decide where to go. He settles on the library. He doesn’t mean to, but he ends up in the theatre section of the library, and before he knows it, he’s curled up in an armchair rereading Faustus and remembering the time that he and Balth practiced his lines together. Throughout the afternoon he dozes on and off, dreaming of kisses and harsh words exchanged with his boyfriend. At six o’clock, the librarian politely kicks him out of the building and he realizes that he hasn’t eaten today. 

He buys a cheap meal somewhere (he doesn’t remember where), and by eight he is sitting on the hood of his car with a bottle of bourbon. He’s not in a hurry to finish it, because he had a couple shots of vodka wherever he had eaten dinner, and he's feeling pretty drunk already. It’s cold out, but Peter doesn’t seem to notice the snow that falls around him and settles on his hair. There are a few stars out and he hears a passerby commenting on their beauty, but he doesn’t care enough to even look up at them. 

…

Balthazar arrives at about eleven-thirty to an empty flat. His first thoughts aren’t kind. _I told him I’d be home right about now. How could he go out? Doesn’t he want to fix this. Fucking piece of…_

But then he remembers Rosa’s words and he realizes that those thoughts are not helping the situation. He decides to make coffee and tidy up the cluttered flat, while trying not to worry about where his Peter is and whether or not he’s making safe choices. 

He cleans with one hand and holds his phone in the other, just in case Peter calls.

…

Balth is right to worry about Peter making safe choices. After finishing the bourbon, Peter slides off the hood of his car and gets into the driver’s seat. He puts the keys into the ignition, but he can’t seem to remember which pedal does what, or that he put on the emergency brake earlier that night. Frustrated, he gets out of the car and shuffles his way home. 

According to the clock on Balth’s phone, Peter throws up in their driveway at 2:55 a.m. Balth hears the noise and throws down the spray bottle in his hand. He rushes outside and finds Peter in a ball on their snowy driveway next to a pile of sick. Thankfully, his car is nowhere to be seen. Balth’s tears freeze on his face as he struggles to drag his boyfriend to his feet and into the flat. Peter is practically unconscious and violently shivering. 

Out of breath, Balth helps Peter sit down on the couch and covers hims with a blanket before rushing to the kitchen for a glass of water and to put the kettle on. 

The water helps, and Peter seems to be waking up, though he is still shivering. Balth sits on the coffee table next to the couch and holds his boyfriend’s cold hand harder than he means to.

After he has some tea, Peter stops shivering so much and his wet hair begins to dry. He looks down into his mug, and suddenly he feels much too sober. “I’m so sorry, Balth. I’m the worst boyfriend ever. God, I missed you so much these two weeks.” He looks away. “Well, lets get this over with while I’m still drunk so I don’t remember the details in the morning.” Peter motions for Balth to speak. 

Balth just stares. “What? What are we getting over with?” 

“Aren’t you going to break up with me?” asks Peter, and Balth can hear the fear in his voice. 

“What for? You’re mine, and that’s it. No matter what. Yeah, we’ve got a bunch of stuff to work out, but I never want to break up, Peter. Right now I just want to go to bed and cuddle with my boyfriend. We can sort everything out tomorrow. Sound okay to you, Peddy?” 

Peter smiles at the stupid nickname Balth had coined for him at the beginning of year twelve. “Yeah, that sounds good, Balthy.”

Balth changes into his pajamas and helps Peter do the same. He is nearly asleep when he hears Peter whisper into his ear, “You’re mine, and that’s it, forever.” 

That sends shivers down Balth’s spine. _Yeah, forever sounds good._


End file.
